Respecting the Help

Maybe You Get Bad Customer Service Because You’re a Bad Customer

That’s right, who needs a job that badly?

In first world countries the demands of customer service representatives are as high as the hopes of a senior on graduation day.  We’re not seen as people, just ciphers who are always supposed to respond to the orders of clients.  Seriously, I don’t know where people learn to be so spoiled and abusive.  So many crazy people love to exploit companies every day left and right.  Look at all the complaints when it comes to restaurants, airlines, and retail stores.  It is true that there should be standards when it comes to a customer’s experience.  But really, half the time the extent of what people expect is disproportionate to what they are purchasing.

Who do you think you are?
You are the victim, you are negative and it’s everyone else’s fault.  You lose all reason and make sure that your picky attitude ruins our day.  After all we are living in Sue.S.A. bringing your lawyers when things don’t go 100% your way.  You are entitled to go off the deep end and being abusive over the smallest things.  It’s not like you have any other choices where to get products and services.  Way to be mature.

Anthem for our customer service reps
We are the ones working at minimum wage, trying to make ends meet.  We are the laborers taking everyone’s crap day in and day out.  Working menial tasks and seen as less than those who deign to give us their money.  Introverts who want only to get what you want in time and move on, but are instead being tied down to the b.s. of all these bougie “problems”. Seriously sick of it; damages my calm how petty and cheap people are.

My philosophy
Have some patience.  If you don’t like a company then try to review where your expectations went wrong and give them another chance.  Overall be polite.  Even if service is lame, try to show some class and manners.  I get it, you have issues in your life and it’s easy to take it out on someone waiting on you.  Sometimes I wonder, are you seriously unaware of how crazy you sound right now?

I am very forgiving when it comes to waiters and staff since I started to pay my own way, and my tolerance has increased since I have been in the game.  I would like to ask everyone, think twice before demanding a specific performance based on what you’re paying and the reality of the situation.  Because the way things are going, all customer service reps will be robots with a permanent smile on the screen.  Their responses will be automated with possible scenarios because the pay and the mistreatment of those who are stuck in service positions is definitely not worth it.  

Service with a Smile: The True Cost of Faking It

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Love Notion #8: The Doll or the Dragon

Oh, I think I found myself a cheerleader/
she is always right there when I need her
– Cheerleader

Compared to women and their extensive lists of dealmakers/breakers, men have simple tastes.  From talking to guys in my life I gather this is a general outline of their ideal mate:

• Makes me feel like I’m their hero
• Encourages my hobbies
• Motivates me to be the best man possible
• Respects and believes in me
• Doesn’t try to change me
• Always sweet and loyal even when I fail

So a female version of Baymax, basically.

Sometimes I feel the pressure of performing the docile role given in Gone Girl. She’s every man’s dream: hot and understanding, “She doesn’t mind, she’s the coolest” – the definitive compliment because he is getting his way in whatever he wants. She enjoys sports, burping, video games, drinking, and junk food. When he is forgetful or inconsiderate there is no penalty, she just smiles and moves on. They’re not pretending to be the woman they want to be, they’re pretending to be the woman a man wants them to be.

Are all the above fair and realistic traits to ask for when considering a significant other? I comprehend these attributes conceptually but practicing them has been unsuccessful. It seems we have to compete to be like Samantha from the film Her, an operation system personality who loves without judgment. Of course I rebel at endorsement of easy going behavior, being contrary to the core, but others may not be so immune. Apparently image issues aren’t enough, women have to try to run a Stepford act to lure in a boyfriend as well.

So what is the type men try to avoid?

• Opinionated and demanding
• Criticizes decisions
• Sensitive and amplifies situations out of proportion
• Gets drunk on jealousy
• Complains about everything
• Acts like something is wrong but says it’s “nothing”
• Plays mind games
• Nags and brings up past grievances

The message is clear: chill = gold, crazy = fail. All the men in my tree tell me they steer miles away from women who possess these exciting features. Regrettably I have most of them in abundance and despair of becoming the former type that is so desirable.
Not that I would conform to popular standards for their own sake, but a lady who practices mercy, sees the good in everything, and never raises her voice – even if all that sounds so vanilla – is meritable.  I fail to give credit and assume the worst, acting as judge/ jury/ executioner. It doesn’t help that I forget guys have feelings since I’m so busy denying my emotions every day I inevitably fail to acknowledge them from others, which won’t serve in the long run.

I’m not quite sure which path to follow, but think there should be a fair balance of being one who is supportive and challenging at the same time. It’s a long unnatural road for me to restrain my cynical Daria voice. The best I have managed was to try setting aside my preferences and expectations.  That means everyone starts with 0 points and if something is done well, then it’s a pleasant surprise.  If things don’t work out, nothing is lost.  This immature strategy turns my regard into something conditional and any given situation is a test (but not for birthdays or anniversaries, sod those).

The way I see it, I’ll end up with someone who isn’t easily hurt by authoritative strength and enjoys bickering every day or find a peaceful drink of water who can handle the raging fires of my heart. Either way, I know that life is too short to pretend that I’m anything other than a moody hater so cheers to the brave soul who can tangle with a shrew like me. After all, even the psycho girls need love too.

Many thanks to the inspirational post I Wasn’t Treating My Husband Fairly And It Wasn’t Fair

New is Not Always Better

Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of people in their deceitful scheming.
– Ephesians 4:14

A few semesters ago I had the privilege of taking a Critical Thinking class.  Any kind of thinking, whether based in logic or emotion, is a type of philosophy.  And everyone is involved with philosophy every minute we’re awake.  For those who claim not to be for such lofty scholarly matters, mind if I take your keys and wallet after punching you in the face?

For those in pursuit of accuracy and consistency in life, sound philosophical arguments are beneficial because it doesn’t just take the what is given at the moment.  Most people develop their opinions over the years due to influences like family, culture, school, Scripture, etc.  Either they sort through what they hear over the years after objective consideration or they take it all in like a garbage chute.  But faith must overcome challenges, otherwise it is weak and worthless.  Unfortunately, we all follow of a series of confirmation biases and we are left with illogical conclusions made from faulty premises.  This severe lack of examination of our thoughts is due to a combination of our ignorance and laziness.  Having to stop and doubt what seems to be agreeable requires a lot of labor that we simply don’t want to deal with.  So we tend to just shrug and keep going along the DeNile River.

Today’s spotlight has to do with something that is cited by many seemingly respectable characters in my life and frankly I’m appalled by it.

Examples
– Men shouldn’t be the only ones to ask women out, it’s the 21^st century!
– Religion has no place in the postmodern era.
– It’s 2016, why do I have to provide for my kids again?
– Murder is more acceptable at 2pm rather than noon.
– If that’s a new product, it must be the best!

It’s amazing to me how people keep up this consumerist attitude with confidence.  I can say with certainty that I’ve never used this as an argument in my life nor did it ever occur to me to think this way.  Yet it’s whipped out constantly by my family and media like a pair of sunglasses.  Be straight, is this one of those common sense conspiracies? As if each divergent concept automatically merits positive change. Wake up, people! Disregarding the past on a generalized basis is quite juvenile and narrow minded, which ironically stands in the way of progress.   Sorry guys, this means you actually need to dig and get into the how and whys of the matter, instead of lazily dismissing ideas on the grounds of a clock.

So let it be known here and now that I’d have more respect for someone who says we’d be better off because of a claim they personally live out rather than attempting to validate a statement on air.  At least be up front about flaunting your own authority.

Much as we all love our own opinions, we need to keep a lid on dispensing unsolicited addages.  Otherwise if we go around making comments without facts or experts to support us, we’re left with useless conclusions best given to the fire.  We all have our strengths and experience and they are necessary at the table – given appropriate times.   There’s a sea of voices out there to coerce you and ultimately you’re responsible for which ones you follow, so choose wisely my friends!

Karl Barth and C.S. Lewis on the Birth of ‘Chronological Snobbery’

Side note: I would also discourage the opposite side of this fallacy line, appeal to tradition, which is also common.  Old things work fine, yes, but there should be room to grow as well. I wouldn’t want to be one of those who are stuck behind because of pride refusing to learn the new technology (even though I am overly resistant to adaptation).

Love Notion #7: The Parameters of Rejection

There’s a part of me hoping
There’s a chance
That you’ll look in these eyes
And hold these hands

– Nothing Without You

Each person may have this scenario at least once in their lifetime:

A surprising declaration that reveals the earnest hopes of a friend…
…the suspense that hinges on a groundbreaking response…
….that leads to an irretrievable answer that would change the course of both lives…

…oh bother what a headache.

I’ve said it before and I’ll keep saying this over again.  Guys have it rough. They lay down their ego on the line to risk an epic strike out. They are told it’s fine to be their weird selves because women outwardly say they appreciate genuine and responsible men who listen.  That’s all hogwash of course. We are so much more demanding when evaluating the men around us.

What lofty illusions are males up against?  Not much, they just need:

– The body of Thor
– James McAvoy’s dazzling eyes
– Intellect of Sherlock Holmes
– Rugged charm of Hugh Jackson
– Mixed with Benedict Cumberbatch’s accent

Yum, heck yes. I mean, how dare we ask for that much?!

Then the minefield of dealbreakers. Not reasonable ones that help us to avoid druggies or manipulators. It’s the norm nowadays for women to condescendingly dismiss potential suitors on a superficial basis while failing to acknowledge their own issues. Character traits like loyalty and kindness count for little when focusing on minor infractions of status, style, or social aptitude.

Screws up the entire game, innit?

It’s a baffling world to the sincerely nice guys. They won’t be given the time of day because they don’t measure up to the charming swagger of every rom com star. An uphill battle if there ever was one, I don’t envy men at all for their situation. Walls are necessary but mocking attitudes of superiority are not. If I could, I’d apologize to the men dealing with that and say free will is a witch.

Mythical lists aside, how does a girl soberly gauge whether a guy is a good match?

Very high on my list of determining compatibility: conversation.  When they are on the same page on a lot issues (not necessarily hobbies), and can keep up with your meaning, and vice versa, like every good friend dynamic – PRICELESS.  We all should be looking for this kind of connection, because without it you have only a monochrome relationship.  A guy who speaks well still adds up to zero when you’re not interested in what he contributes.  They don’t necessarily need to say the right things at the right time but at least has observations that aren’t mundane.  This is quite an art to pair up individuals who can do this, because you can take one subject, such as movies, and have completely different discussions based on what they appreciate/hate/ get nothing from it.

Also, I factor in emotions as sensibly as I can. It sounds shallow to say I want them to make me feel a certain way; agitated, ecstatic, more safe, less alone. You know how the hormone roller coaster goes. Thinking they’re so impressive they might as well have placed the sun and moon in the sky. Replaying past conversations with them and conducting imaginary ones. Desperately devoted and haunted until there is room in your heart for nothing else. Not unlike how soda gets a hold of me, come to think of it…  But I have to always tell myself as Richelle Mead aptly puts it:

Love fades.

There are many kinds of affection. Take the infamous agonizing pain that consumes and drowns you in sweeping waves, for one. But there is an understated value in the comfortable joy that grows with a person who knows and accepts you flaws and all. Feelings will always come and go with the tide. How we are supposed to tell what amount of fondness is “enough” vs “settling” is beyond me. I personally can’t justify being with someone that raises lukewarm esteem, but I wouldn’t label it as wrong in general since we all have our own modus operandi.

That is not to say I’m without temptation to relax my stance so I can alleviate my boredom. The dark side of me tells me to give into the cruel pleasure of playing with the feelings of those who show interest. If I weren’t conscientious of decency I’d be conducting sadistic projects using one’s weakness my advantage to flatter my vanity in true Scarlet O’Hara fashion. It would at least be diverting to have a chauffeur who pays for my meals and deflects unwanted admirers. Who am I to refuse if they want to give me attention, complying with my every request like a sycophantic butler…but such an uneven partnership wears out quickly and wastes time. In theory. Anyway, that’s another topic for another time.

I feel sorry for those testing the waters trying to get anywhere with me.  I’m signal illiterate but invariably freeze up with anyone getting close due to my guy phobia. If they pass the one year familiarity mark they get my default bossy and insulting self. My sharp demeanor is essentially the same to all men I friendzone or have a deep attachment to because I need my space. The cards are nowhere near the table. They are stacked haphazardly in the box and thrown into the house of the abyss slammed shut with a triple locked door. Better to be guarded than to look foolish because opening your heart letting someone in is giving them power over you. The possibility of undergoing the devastating hurt of losing the one you love is terrifying. All for a flimsy chance at lasting contentment.

We are each allotted a finite amount of chances. But I don’t fear saying no to a man if I’m not fully certain about committing to.  Why?

Just because he is a great guy does not mean he’s the right one for me.

It’s always been clear who I fall for by picturing him out of my life or with someone else. If there is no rioting tumult of panic then obviously they are not an important person I want near. Even though I follow the credence people change and no opinion is set forever I recommend refusing now and avoid any muddled consequences later.  Then the lucky dude can do us both a favor and move on.

Honestly I can afford to be picky and hold onto the unattainable prize who won’t give me the time of day because I get treated so well by my community. That and I’m gifted with awareness when it comes my heart much like Fanny in Mansfield Park stubbornly deciding on Edmund over all others even when her love was unrequited. I was never afraid of being alone because I lack a tendency to focus on my single status. There is no void that causes me to struggle with reaching for the nearest available guy most days since I’m well aware of the stress a boyfriend can cause.  I’m sure I’ll revise my conditions of tolerance as I grow older.  Meanwhile I’ll be enjoying my life of freely checking out all the attractive celebrities.

Conversation Snobbery

Chitter chatter, don’t matter/
yidder, yidder, yadder/
It don’t matter to me

– Move On

You can judge a person by their cover; appearances give a glimpse of their priorities. You can also judge on content; they’re made obvious by the use of speech.  We are and should be defined by what we say, as it reveals our natures (falling in line with our actions).  However, people don’t seem to realize something when they are carelessly throwing out phrases and topics like a wasteful steward:

Words should be used with commitment and meaning behind them.

Why small talk is common I’ll never know. Ask me a vague question, like “How are you?” and “Are you ok?” Overload and meltdown is imminent. The first thing I think is “So cliche…but what do I say?!” There are dozens of reactions floating through my mind in the space of a second. If reasonably composed I can respond in a lucid fashion the satisfactorily standard “fine” and feel exhausted. I wonder what are they trying to get at with this empty noise? Most likely nothing, they just care enough to get some updates on your well being. But as they can observe I stand here in relatively sound mind and body. I can’t make heads or tails of it, why is it considered appropriate to probe about my emotional state when I don’t even contemplate it? Don’t get me started on those who collect information on everyone and use it for their own purposes without regard to privacy.

Safe button topics:
– What did you do yesterday?
– Watch any movies lately?
– Which Taylor Swift’s songs are the best/worst?
– Are manners important anymore?
– If you could choose, what 3 things would you bring on remote island?
– Would you rather…

I was never properly trained to share outside significant points of interest. It’s infinitely preferable to listen to someone before I can contribute. I pick and choose my company on many points, presenting a decent stream of critically examined thoughts is one of them. Lame vernacular is disgusting and fills me with irritation. I hear the following dreadful comments/queries and wish to leave the room while silently remarking on how dumb it all sounds:

When someone’s name comes up
Say hi to them for me
Why, is your phone broken?

Reunions
How’s life?
Nice when there’s soda and I’m away from people

Moving/ Traveling
We’ll visit you
Eh, not likely

Past event
How was it?
Everything is awesome.

Trendy establishment
We should totally go there and soon!
Is that a promise or are you just exercising your tongue?

First time meeting
So what do you do?
Stalk Ed Sheeran online, karaoke events, binge read and watch…oh, you meant my job

Any given time
What do you think?
Yes, no, maybe so, nothing.

I know, I’m a monstruous biddy who should be left socializing with plants. But yeah, sick of all the talk when nothing is actually being said. I only recognize and respect people who go into the deep and direct (appropriately). Cut the pleasantries and thoughtless open-ended questions. Be more specific and tell me something that counts. I’m not saying we need to behave as if our words are to be printed and rated for wit but at least give an ounce of effort to spare us mindless drivel and its consequences. It gives me shudders that we have right to speak and write freely but reduce its potential relying mainly on emoticons, animal stickers, and gifs.

Extremely dysfunctional introverts like myself are weird and unfriendly. We tend to ponder and evaluate before we answer if at all. Having to get a dialogue going is accurately likened to physically working out. That’s why we are fine with silence. We can sit in a room with people left to observe and process what is happening. If we must speak, let it be for something productive. This is not to say we model the best behavior. We need to bend and meet our obtuse extravert counterparts halfway as they go on and on stating the obvious. I think explaining to each other and changing our approaches slightly will benefit us both immensely.

Bite Me, Common Sense

There are times where I would be going about my day, having a conversation and I indicate I don’t follow what the other party is saying. Then suddenly I find myself being told,

“It’s just common sense.”

Well, I find that statement to be useless and condescending (which, ironically, should be widely accepted, IMHO). It has no information explaining why I should know certain things then do them accordingly. So I didn’t think of that, big deal. Did I miss the program where some professional renaissance man dispensed applicable life hacks to all children at the same time?

TEST
If given snake to cook, what action would you automatically take?
A) Hunt for a long pan
B) Cut it into pieces

I am, sadly, of the A Team (aka Work Harder Not Smarter). I am sure I would be certifiably retarded if I were tested. So it seems I did miss that bus or whatever and I feel off once in a while because I don’t seem to meet this expectation. I’ve had this issue as long as I can remember. Rules and directions I can do well. Logical choices given precedents, sure. Abstract memes from nowhere, not so much.

But really why should I accept such a notion when many don’t seem to realize the same way I do:

• Expect to be hit on by freaky or dangerous creeps when you are internet dating/clubbing/out at 2am.
• Marriage was created by God and should be done per original design.
• Don’t be a flake. If you say yes, be consistently reliable and stand by your word.
• Sleep 8+ hours. You’ll be healthier for it.
• Worrying doesn’t make a difference in the end.
• Eggs should be kept at room temperature, especially when a recipe calls for medium to stiff peaks.
• Staring at your electronic device constantly when you have good company is unacceptably lame.
• Always have a towel handy.

I picked those up through observations, maybe borrowed from the Wear Sunscreen song, who knows. But people I know seem unaware or simply have trouble with those concepts. Yet I never throw out the dreaded above phrase like a royal know-it-all because I know I have my personal sense about things that are “obvious”.  There are levels to be sure, starting from hot beverages are hot, but for the most part it sounds like a made up system or conspiracy to distract us from the impending zombie apocalypse.

Due to our endless backgrounds there are very few decisions or solutions that we agree upon 100%. If it seems weird that a person doesn’t see it a certain way a little understanding would definitely be appreciated. Assuming the other person has the same thought process is frustratingly unreasonable.

Also, why would I want something “common” anyway? Advocating the mundane status quo stifles creativity or daring to use a new, possibly better perspective.  Whether it’s skills, manners, or street smarts, we all can contribute in some area so we should teach each other. It would certainly be a friendlier world if this communication took place more often.

5 Terrible Tropes

Usually I’m insufficiently hateful or verbose enough to tear apart a book or movie.  I tend to cover media in fan-girl mode, that’s why they’re “A” Reviews.   But not all tropes are rainbows and butterflies.  If you’re a writer or filmmaker who utilizes these, I’m begging you, cool it!

Eye Open
No, I’m not ready for a close up.  For some reason they like to shove a camera into a person’s face for emotional effect or something. I especially hate it when someone who was peacefully sleeping wakes up violently.  My vote: maintaining a healthy distance hurts no one.
Ahhh!: Catching Fire, Resident Evil, Avatar, Breaking Dawn, The Matrix

Fourth date marriage
Accidentally in love, then bam, they’re at the altar.  The average time it takes to fall head over heels with your soulmate is 3 days in movie time, and that might be generous.  Why is romance so often cheap and careless?
Happily Whatever: While You Were Sleeping, Hitch, Romeo + Juliet, The Proposal, Shrek, most Disney and Nicholas Sparks stories

Framing device
Narrator: “This is a story about…and then this happened…and then the end”
Me: No thanks, for adding nothing interesting at all. 
Unnecessarily setting up scenes that switch back and forth to the storyteller the whole time.  Unlike using significant minor flashbacks that would be far more efficient they decide to throw in inane details and useless extra characters throughout the entire film, testing my patience.
GTFO: Titanic, The Notebook, Forrest Gump, Great Gatsby, Water for Elephants, Ever After, The Princess Bride, Life of Pi

In medias res
Argh, is it too much to ask for stories to be told in its proper chronological format? I have such a grudge for its lack of order plus that it’s become ultra trendy. My friends practically stop the DVD and run for cover whenever there’s a prelude cutting to an earlier scene and I would scream, “NO!!! This is out of context!!!”
1) hacked and unartistic
2) useless the story
3) insults the viewer
4) completely overdone
5) distracting and choppy
Oh bother: Inception, Miss Potter, The Illusionist, The Help, Mrs Winterbourne, Moulin Rouge
Well played exceptions: The Prestige, Crash, Memento

Charade
You lied to me?! All this was to get that woman’s money? – Anastasia
Holding a secret or feeding into a misunderstanding.  I’m too lazy to keep up a false cover so I’m not keen to enjoy an entire premise where a “hero” is caught up in a lie.  It may be they are trying for humorous consequences or drama but I just feel like when it hits the fan there’s just destruction and betrayal, not entertainment, in its wake.  It’s one thing if the duplicity was given as a sophisticated double cross or by a evil manipulator with an end game. Sometimes it can be done well, in the style of Shakespearean comedies but unsuccessful investments otherwise.  Usually they involve an harmless reporter or a bet, which is less than riveting.
Wtf: Rango, Brave, Just Go With It, Something Borrowed, She’s All That, 10 Things I Hate About You, Hitch, Dan in Real Life, How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, Never Been Kissed
It’s for a good cause exceptions: 21 Jump Street, Ever After

What do I know, my taste runs the same as the average vampire-loving teenager anyway. There’s no accounting why certain themes push our buttons.   Let’s just agree that we all like stupid things. Counter list coming soon!