Oh, I think I found myself a cheerleader/
she is always right there when I need her
Compared to women and their extensive lists of dealmakers/breakers, men have simple tastes. From talking to guys in my life I gather this is a general outline of their ideal mate:
- Makes me feel like I’m their hero
- Encourages my hobbies
- Motivates me to be the best man possible
- Respects and believes in me
- Doesn’t try to change me
- Always sweet and loyal even when I fail
So a female version of Baymax, basically.
Sometimes I feel the pressure of performing the docile role given in Gone Girl. She’s every man’s dream: hot and understanding, “She doesn’t mind, she’s the coolest” – the definitive compliment because he is getting his way in whatever he wants. She enjoys sports, burping, video games, drinking, and junk food. When he is forgetful or inconsiderate there is no penalty, she just smiles and moves on. They’re not pretending to be the woman they want to be, they’re pretending to be the woman a man wants them to be.
Are all the above fair and realistic traits to ask for when considering a significant other? I comprehend these attributes conceptually but practicing them has been unsuccessful. It seems we have to compete to be like Samantha from the film Her, an operation system personality who loves without judgment. Of course I rebel at endorsement of easy going behavior, being contrary to the core, but others may not be so immune. Apparently image issues aren’t enough, women have to try to run a Stepford act to lure in a boyfriend as well.
So what is the type men try to avoid?
- Opinionated and demanding
- Criticizes decisions
- Sensitive and amplifies situations out of proportion
- Gets drunk on jealousy
- Complains about everything
- Acts like something is wrong but says it’s “nothing”
- Plays mind games
- Nags and brings up past grievances
The message is clear: chill = gold, crazy = fail. All the men in my tree tell me they steer miles away from women who possess these exciting features. Regrettably I have most of them in abundance and despair of becoming the former type that is so desirable.
Not that I would conform to popular standards for their own sake, but a lady who practices mercy, sees the good in everything, and never raises her voice – even if all that sounds so vanilla – is meritable. I fail to give credit and assume the worst, acting as judge/ jury/ executioner. It doesn’t help that I forget guys have feelings since I’m so busy denying my emotions every day I inevitably fail to acknowledge them from others, which won’t serve in the long run.
I’m not quite sure which path to follow, but think there should be a fair balance of being one who is supportive and challenging at the same time. It’s a long unnatural road for me to restrain my cynical Daria voice. The best I have managed was to try setting aside my preferences and expectations. That means everyone starts with 0 points and if something is done well, then it’s a pleasant surprise. If things don’t work out, nothing is lost. This immature strategy turns my regard into something conditional and any given situation is a test (but not for birthdays or anniversaries, sod those).
The way I see it, I’ll end up with someone who isn’t easily hurt by authoritative strength and enjoys bickering every day or find a peaceful drink of water who can handle the raging fires of my heart. Either way, I know that life is too short to pretend that I’m anything other than a moody hater so cheers to the brave soul who can tangle with a shrew like me. After all, even the psycho girls need love too.
Many thanks to the inspirational post I Wasn’t Treating My Husband Fairly And It Wasn’t Fair