There’s a part of me hoping
There’s a chance
That you’ll look in these eyes
And hold these hands
– Nothing Without You
Each person may have this scenario at least once in their lifetime:
A surprising declaration that reveals the earnest hopes of a friend…
…the suspense that hinges on a groundbreaking response…
….that leads to an irretrievable answer that would change the course of both lives…
…oh bother what a headache.
I’ve said it before and I’ll keep saying this over again. Guys have it rough. They lay down their ego on the line to risk an epic strike out. They are told it’s fine to be their weird selves because women outwardly say they appreciate genuine and responsible men who listen. That’s all hogwash of course. We are so much more demanding when evaluating the men around us.
What lofty illusions are males up against? Not much, they just need:
– The body of Thor
– James McAvoy’s dazzling eyes
– Intellect of Sherlock Holmes
– Rugged charm of Hugh Jackson
– Mixed with Benedict Cumberbatch’s accent
Yum, heck yes. I mean, how dare we ask for that much?!
Then the minefield of dealbreakers. Not reasonable ones that help us to avoid druggies or manipulators. It’s the norm nowadays for women to condescendingly dismiss potential suitors on a superficial basis while failing to acknowledge their own issues. Character traits like loyalty and kindness count for little when focusing on minor infractions of status, style, or social aptitude.
Screws up the entire game, innit?
It’s a baffling world to the sincerely nice guys. They won’t be given the time of day because they don’t measure up to the charming swagger of every rom com star. An uphill battle if there ever was one, I don’t envy men at all for their situation. Walls are necessary but mocking attitudes of superiority are not. If I could, I’d apologize to the men dealing with that and say free will is a witch.
Mythical lists aside, how does a girl soberly gauge whether a guy is a good match?
Very high on my list of determining compatibility: conversation. When they are on the same page on a lot issues (not necessarily hobbies), and can keep up with your meaning, and vice versa, like every good friend dynamic – PRICELESS. We all should be looking for this kind of connection, because without it you have only a monochrome relationship. A guy who speaks well still adds up to zero when you’re not interested in what he contributes. They don’t necessarily need to say the right things at the right time but at least has observations that aren’t mundane. This is quite an art to pair up individuals who can do this, because you can take one subject, such as movies, and have completely different discussions based on what they appreciate/hate/ get nothing from it.
Also, I factor in emotions as sensibly as I can. It sounds shallow to say I want them to make me feel a certain way; agitated, ecstatic, more safe, less alone. You know how the hormone roller coaster goes. Thinking they’re so impressive they might as well have placed the sun and moon in the sky. Replaying past conversations with them and conducting imaginary ones. Desperately devoted and haunted until there is room in your heart for nothing else. Not unlike how soda gets a hold of me, come to think of it… But I have to always tell myself as Richelle Mead aptly puts it:
There are many kinds of affection. Take the infamous agonizing pain that consumes and drowns you in sweeping waves, for one. But there is an understated value in the comfortable joy that grows with a person who knows and accepts you flaws and all. Feelings will always come and go with the tide. How we are supposed to tell what amount of fondness is “enough” vs “settling” is beyond me. I personally can’t justify being with someone that raises lukewarm esteem, but I wouldn’t label it as wrong in general since we all have our own modus operandi.
That is not to say I’m without temptation to relax my stance so I can alleviate my boredom. The dark side of me tells me to give into the cruel pleasure of playing with the feelings of those who show interest. If I weren’t conscientious of decency I’d be conducting sadistic projects using one’s weakness my advantage to flatter my vanity in true Scarlet O’Hara fashion. It would at least be diverting to have a chauffeur who pays for my meals and deflects unwanted admirers. Who am I to refuse if they want to give me attention, complying with my every request like a sycophantic butler…but such an uneven partnership wears out quickly and wastes time. In theory. Anyway, that’s another topic for another time.
I feel sorry for those testing the waters trying to get anywhere with me. I’m signal illiterate but invariably freeze up with anyone getting close due to my guy phobia. If they pass the one year familiarity mark they get my default bossy and insulting self. My sharp demeanor is essentially the same to all men I friendzone or have a deep attachment to because I need my space. The cards are nowhere near the table. They are stacked haphazardly in the box and thrown into the house of the abyss slammed shut with a triple locked door. Better to be guarded than to look foolish because opening your heart letting someone in is giving them power over you. The possibility of undergoing the devastating hurt of losing the one you love is terrifying. All for a flimsy chance at lasting contentment.
We are each allotted a finite amount of chances. But I don’t fear saying no to a man if I’m not fully certain about committing to. Why?
Just because he is a great guy does not mean he’s the right one for me.
It’s always been clear who I fall for by picturing him out of my life or with someone else. If there is no rioting tumult of panic then obviously they are not an important person I want near. Even though I follow the credence people change and no opinion is set forever I recommend refusing now and avoid any muddled consequences later. Then the lucky dude can do us both a favor and move on.
Honestly I can afford to be picky and hold onto the unattainable prize who won’t give me the time of day because I get treated so well by my community. That and I’m gifted with awareness when it comes my heart much like Fanny in Mansfield Park stubbornly deciding on Edmund over all others even when her love was unrequited. I was never afraid of being alone because I lack a tendency to focus on my single status. There is no void that causes me to struggle with reaching for the nearest available guy most days since I’m well aware of the stress a boyfriend can cause. I’m sure I’ll revise my conditions of tolerance as I grow older. Meanwhile I’ll be enjoying my life of freely checking out all the attractive celebrities.