Monthly Archives: September 2014

Love Notion #5: The Wait

Patience is not often a trait I find either outside myself or within.  Usually something happens every day to give rise to my grrr-ness, such as:

– OMG 60 seconds in the microwave, are you kidding me?
– My kingdom for a green light!
– Is it Friday yet?
– Do I have a chance with this guy?

There are countless examples of how we expect instant gratification all the time.  The last trial, though, is a bit more complex than the others.  Being into someone and exploring the what ifs could drive me mad.  I previously established my view of being in a position to answer and the men to ask, as put by Dolly (Anna Karenina):

“You can’t understand it; for you men, who are free and make your own choice, it’s always clear whom you love.  But a girl’s in a position of suspense, with all a woman’s or maiden’s modesty, a girl who sees you men from afar, who takes everything on trust, — a girl may have, and often has, such a feeling that she cannot tell what to say.
…She is expecting to make her choice, and yet she cannot choose, she can only answer ‘yes’ or ‘no’.” 

I suppose it would be easier for girls to go tell the person of interest and forcibly alter the relationship once and for all.  Men have to deal with fear and pride when voicing their admiration, but it actually sounds better than waiting for God knows how long and wondering; What is holding them back?  Did I say or do something wrong?  Is there nothing going on between us?  Inconvenient as it may be, I will follow and maintain the role I was given and live my life according to these pragmatic views:

Challenge accepted
Seriously, take your time.  I can outwait circles around you.  If you want to know about true forbearance, this is nothing compared to Persuasion, Love in the Time of Cholera, Jacob and Rachel, Gone with the Wind, Anne of Green Gables, etc…yup, definitely a lot of (encouraging) books in the waiting room keeping me company.

Enjoy the friendship
Wishing and whining about liking them is not going to help anyone (I’ve tried).  My dear friend taught me this sensible concept and I hold onto it when I am frustrated.  Anyway, I’m much too selfish to fall in love with people who don’t act like they care or make an effort to be close.  I figure the not knowing is a normal part of the process, even though sometimes it feels hopeless.  At least there’s a lot less risk of being exposed or hurt when you’re friends.

Lonely no more
I used to desperately want a boyfriend in my teenage years, somehow I thought dating would validate me and fix everything.  Growing older, I don’t care as much because my worth and contentment is not based on shifting conditions.  I choose to value my friends and family instead; focusing on loving them better requires a lot of understanding, reflection, and compromise.

Side note: This in no way condones dismissing all suitors in search of someone to meet one’s extreme standards.

So those are the concepts that I keep in general and remind myself when affected by them hormones.  I am prone to scheming and fantasizing before I check myself for going into obsession land.  For the most part I desire a complete community while educating myself as much as possible to prepare for any future romance. Even if it doesn’t find me, I won’t despair, for love isn’t everything.

becoming-jane


A Night with Ed Sheeran

Take my hand
And my
Heart and soul
I will
Only have these eyes
For you
– “One”

It’s getting real, I’m in love with a chubby ginger British singer-songwriter. His music makes the world a less bitter place. Going to see him last weekend meant enduring expense, 468 miles through the hot desert, endless waiting in line, then standing tightly pressed in a crowd.

Finally, lights off, lights on. This adorable bloke takes the stage featuring only microphones, a loop pedal and guitar:

Worth it.

It is like Christmas, New Year’s, and the beginning of summer combined seeing him amongst fellow Sheerios united in worshipful devotion of one irresistible man. We are ruined for any other performers because of his charm and unconventional moving songs. There’s no place I’d rather be than near this angel who keeps on giving.

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