I’d rather chew sand than go back to all that.
– Memoirs of a Geisha

A decade has gone since I graduated high school.  If I remember correctly, I was an awkward bookworm, selfish and ruled by fear.  Not much has changed.  Recently I attended my 10 year reunion.  In the months leading up to it, I was processing the following:

Why go
– Where are they now?
– Closure
– Potential new friend/ romance
– Encourage someone/ be encouraged
– Job leads

Why no
– Old drama
– Too cool
– Feeling inadequate

What not to say
“Do you want to hear about about my debt/health issues?”
“Dang, when did you let yourself go, you fat fat fatty?!”
“Are you still living with your parents?”
“You used to be so hot, did you get hit with an ugly stick or something?”
“I remember I used to stalk you and asked you to prom senior year but you said no so I cried at home listening to Babyface’s ‘Nobody’ for a week, hahaha…”

Mostly I thought it would be a unique event I can talk and blog about.  A small part of me wished I could walk in looking like 100k saying, “Yeah I traveled the world, started my own business, and have 2 kids in private academies.  That’s my trophy husband there who’s a doctor and board member of Mensa International.”  Vanity.  I may be struggling and figuring things out but I know I reached my goal of being reasonably mature person I can respect. I had a good time eating at the restaurant and hanging out with old peers. Some people I wanted to see were missing but it was great to talk to people who somehow remembered me when I mostly kept to myself as much as possible back then.  We did segregate into cliques just like we did back then, but it happens. It was comforting to reconnect knowing we’re all growing old together.  Although I am undeniably asocial and was a bit nervous about the event, it helped to know none of us have it all together.  We have all been through pain and want to pursue freedom and happiness.  Those magical teenage years are gone and we lost our innocence, imagination, dreams, and idealism somewhere behind us on the road to adulthood.

I really appreciated the team who put the event together, they must have gone through a lot of pressure and it was risky in some ways. Oddly enough, it started to rain at the end of the evening even though we were experiencing a long hot drought.  It seemed fitting to mark another piece of my life left as a shadow of the past.


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